


take my hand, wreck my plans

by supernovainparadise



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Gentle Aaron Hotchner, Love Confessions, M/M, Might add more chapters later, Slow Build, Soft Spencer Reid, This whole thing is just feelings and softness and aaaaa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:53:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28016520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernovainparadise/pseuds/supernovainparadise
Summary: Spencer Reid isn't good at feelings. But that doesn't mean he doesn't feel them, especially when it comes to his supervisor, Aaron Hotchner.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Comments: 5
Kudos: 161





	take my hand, wreck my plans

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "willow" by Taylor Swift.

The feelings didn’t start right away.

Sure, Spencer had always found Hotch attractive, but it took him close to two years to even attempt to warm up to the team, let alone to Agent Hotchner. At the time, that attractiveness was based purely on physicality; Hotch was tall, dark, and handsome. What wasn’t there to like about that? He was older, too, and Spencer had always found himself attracted to those a few years older than him when it came to men. Something about his own mind and maturity, no doubt.

But all it ever was at the beginning was a physical attraction. Hotch had a wife and a baby, and there was the no fraternization rule, not to mention the multi-year age gap. Spencer may have fantasized on rare occasions, sure, but he never believed anything would ever happen. Never hoped.

Not until Tobias Hankel.

The only reason Reid had chosen Hotch, had given him the hint, was because of the recent argument. He knew the reference would grab his attention, and beyond that, Hotch always  _ listened.  _ He didn’t interrupt or block Spencer off, and so he was confident Hotch would pick up on his clues.

But when Hotch sprinted up to him and held him up on shaking legs, Spencer still high on adrenaline and the last of the Dilaudid, he looked up at him and saw worry. It softened and pulled Hotch’s features, and his eyes seemed fathomless. Maybe it was the drugs taking further hold, but Spencer felt an odd swooping in his stomach as Hotch tugged him into a hug and he stammered out “I knew you’d understand.”

After that everything changed.

What had started as a physical attraction, maybe an intellectual attraction, began to morph into something else entirely. Whenever Reid began to fall into that dark pit, it seemed like Hotch was the one reaching in and pulling him out. Every time he felt like shooting up, it was like Hotch was reading his mind; a soft, almost sad sort of look crossed his face, and he made an extra effort to listen to him. Even though it was Ethan who ultimately grabbed him by the collar and dragged him out of it, it was Hotch who Spencer pictured in his worst withdrawals, Hotch who he kept in his mind as he struggled to stay clean in those early days.

But somehow it got worse.

Hotch and Reid went to interview Chester Hardwick and everything immediately went to shit. What was supposed to be a fairly typical interview quickly devolved into what was looking to be the end. Hotch reacted exactly as Reid profiled he would; he attempted to put up one last fight. Spencer watched in vain; he knew that it would fail, that even though they weren’t anything like his victims, Hardwick was still a formidable opponent. And so Spencer did the only thing he could think of at the moment; he talked.

And he talked and he talked.

And somehow, they got out. Spencer kept him busy just long enough for the guards to come to save them, and that was it. They stumbled into the SUV, and as Hotch drove back, he dropped something completely unexpected on Spencer--

“Haley wants a divorce.”

The SUV was silent for a long minute before Spencer asked, “and what do you want?”   


“What I want I’m not going to get.” Hotch glanced at Reid out of the corner of his eye, his gaze lingering a little too long to be friendly, and Spencer felt the blossom of something he had spent many long months stamping out any sign of; hope.

It didn’t take particularly long for that hope to be buried again. A trip to NYC to investigate an odd group of shootings reunited Hotch with an old friend, one who looked a hell of a lot like his ex-wife. Who was very pretty, closer to Hotch’s age, and very much female. Spencer didn’t stand a chance against her in comparison, and he could see that there was clearly a spark between Joyner and Hotch.

Kate didn’t survive the case, and Spencer felt guilt settle over his skin. He’d spent the entire case feeling jealousy, trying to avoid her for something as petty as a crush. He didn’t think he’d said more than two words to the woman the entire time they’d been in New York and now he sorely regretted it. Hotch was injured and clearly devastated, no matter how well he hid his emotions, and Spencer forced himself to push all his feelings deep, deep down inside of himself, lest he says something that he would come to regret.

It didn’t get much better from then on.

So much happened after that, with the incident at the compound and the cult, followed immediately by Reid’s disastrous trip to Vegas and nearly arresting his own father, all the way to the incident with “Rothschild” after the seminar in Georgetown. For a while, he was so busy that he was able to push all his stupid feelings into a little bottle, focusing almost exclusively on the profiles, and solving the cases on hand.

And then he has to contract anthrax and be put on medical leave for a week, and of course, that fucks everything up all over again. Because he’s read every book in his apartment four times, visited the coffee shop on the block so often every barista knows him by first and last name and already done all the paperwork that Hotch has sent him, he quickly finds himself falling into his own mind, and before he knows it, he’s uncorked that little bottle and all he can think about is Aaron Hotchner.

The context begins as it usually does, with Hotch’s appearance. His dark hair and strong jaw, those impossibly deep, almost black eyes, and the slightest quirk of his lip when he’s amused. His broad shoulders and toned muscles, not as built as Morgan but able to throw a powerful right hook nonetheless. His thoughts wander more into imagination at that point, wondering about things he’s never before seen, but that a certain part of him  _ very  _ much wants to. He pulls away from those thoughts after a cold shower and a strong cup of coffee, but they morph into something much different after that.

Instead of Hotch’s physicality, Spencer begins to focus on his personality. The serious stoic-ness that melts away when it’s just the team, or when he’s talking to Jack. The amount of himself he puts into each and every case they work, into helping as many victims as he possibly can. The way he takes the time to understand each member of his team, to help them through their own troubles despite all of his. By the end of his leave, Spencer is in much deeper than he originally intended, and he’s fairly certain that his crush has begun to morph into something else entirely.

But because some awful, horrible god above has it out for Spencer Reid permanently, Foyet decides to tear any chance he may ever have with Hotch into a million little shreds and throw them out to sea. And any tiny, minuscule molecule of hope that Spencer had is dashed on those waves, as he watches Foyet very slowly and very carefully pull Hotch’s life apart. The worst thing about it, Spencer thinks, is that he can’t be in the field to help. He’s stuck on crutches on the sidelines, and he feels more and more like a bystander than a member of the team as time passes on.

He stops feeling helpful and starts feeling more and more like he’s merely adding to the burdens of the people around him. By the time they head to San Francisco with the other BAU team, Spencer has pulled away from the group pretty thoroughly, convinced that they’ll hardly notice. He stays behind and works linguistics and geography while the others explore crime scenes, interview witnesses, and scope out the city in an attempt to find their Unsub. And they succeed, but the entire time Spencer feels less and less helpful; what purpose could he serve that wouldn’t just be filled by a member of the other team anyway?

He doesn’t think anyone notices when he slips out the backdoor of the warehouse, away from the celebrations, and heads out into the city. It’s full of raucous partiers, late-night workers, and general wanderers at this time of night, and Spencer fits right in. His feet carry him through the city till he arrives on an overlook that looks over the skyline and the bay beyond it. It’s quiet, and the wind blows softly through his hair.

It’s Hotch who finds him up there. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t try and scold Reid for running off, and instead they stand there for a long moment, together, watching the city pass them by as the moon lazily drifts through the ocean of stars above, barely visible from the light pollution below. But for once, Reid doesn’t think about any of that. Rather than focusing on the science, on the world around them, on his massive collection of knowledge, Reid does something far more daring than he thought himself capable of; he takes Hotch’s hand gently in his own. Hotch holds on tight, and when Spencer turns to look at him, Aaron smiles softly and Spencer can’t help but smile back. They stay like that for a while, until Spencer gets a worried text from JJ asking where they are, and they’re forced to return to the warehouse. But this time, Spencer feels much less alone. And the hope is back, this time stronger than ever.

The feelings change again, but Spencer isn’t afraid anymore. What’s there to be afraid of in love, after all?

It isn’t until the case in Alaska that Spencer says the words aloud. They’re sitting in the basement of the tavern when the owner informs them that there are only four rooms and they need to double up. Morgan almost immediately follows that with, “I am not sleeping with Reid.”

Spencer shoots him a look and rolls his eyes as Garcia slaps her hand up, saying, “dibs.” He made eye contact with Hotch, who looked as though he was struggling not to laugh. Instead, he merely waves them off and pairs off Emily and JJ, putting himself with Spencer, who feels his stomach do a strange little flip. They gather their go bags and make their way upstairs as a group, with some playful bickering and arguing as they each head to their own separate rooms.

Aaron closes the door behind himself with a sigh, turning to give Spencer a tired smile, which Spencer finds himself returning with earnest. Nothing is said, not at first, as they both prepare for bed, changing clothes and taking turns in the shower before they turn to observe the room. It’s small, but cozy, with only one queen-sized bed. Both of them immediately say, “I’ll take the floor” before Aaron runs a hand over his face with a sigh and a smile, and Spencer chuckles under his breath and turns towards the older agent.

“Or…” Spencer says in a voice that doesn’t feel quite like his own. Something sultry, but soft. “We could share?”

Aaron smirks at him and crosses his arms. “Not a bad idea.” His voice grows slightly more serious and he adds, “no funny business though. We have a case to work tomorrow and I don’t think these walls are all that thick.”

Spencer doesn’t miss the entendre in Aaron’s words, and nods. They both slip under the covers, and Aaron reaches up and flips out the lights. It’s quiet, and all Spencer can hear is the sound of their own breathing and his own pounding heart.  Things had changed between them, after San Francisco. Aaron had asked Spencer out to dinner the night after they got back, and they spent hours talking about everything and nothing. Aaron dropped Spencer off at his apartment, and before Spencer could say anything, he ran back up the steps and kissed him. After that, they began going out together more frequently, and Spencer put in a good deal of time helping out with Jack, and spending time with Jessica, and before he knew it being with Aaron became regular. They had yet to say anything to the team, but Spencer wouldn’t be surprised if they already knew; they were profilers, after all.

Spencer thinks about these things for a while, but it seems like Aaron can tell he’s getting stuck in his own head, and thus pulls him tightly into his arms. Spencer breaths out, snuggling a little bit closer against the chill that threatens to dig into his bones. Aaron holds him like that for a long time, and Spencer feels like all the feelings he’s buried since those early days, since Tobias Hankel and New York and Foyet, are about to explode out of them.

Instead, he lets them out in a whisper;

“I love you.”

Aaron shifts beside him, and smiles. “I love you, too.”

_Wait for the signal and I'll meet you after dark_

_Show me the places where the others gave you scars._

_Now this is an open-shut case_

_I guess I shoulda known from the look on your face_

_every bait-and-switch was a work of art_

_-_ **Taylor Swift, "willow"**


End file.
